Open Marriage?

I thought i had a plan to bring FemDom to my relationship with Claire. You know, the "Around Her Finger" approach... Start slowly, help with the chores, little acts of worship, words of adoration... The whole thing becoming more and more obvious as She gets to enjoy a more dominant role, until it catches fire and takes a life of its own. Well, things are not exactly going in that direction. Here are the latest developments.

Claire and i had a heart to heart conversation last week. It was brought by the fact that, though i have been trying these past few months to tackle a lot of the problems She has been complaining about, the more i try, the more i feel She shuts down on me. I was ready to give this experience all the time it needed, but with things going in the wrong direction, i thought that i needed to express my concerns.

We both realize that the way O/our marriage is right now is not sustainable. As the days, weeks and months pass by, i find myself reaching the end of my rope. I love my Wife today more than i ever did in the past. Almost all of my thoughts these last 3 months have been towards rebuilding O/our intimacy, with a D/s lifestyle as the framework. I believe it would suit U/us perfectly, and i am as ready as i will ever be to start the adventure. I have tried to communicate these feelings to Claire, but met the resistance i talked about in previous posts. Claire gave me reasons for her reluctance, mainly the fact that She was trying to resolve personal issues, and that turning O/our lifestyle around right at this juncture would not be helpful. Based on everything W/we discussed together, i really should just accept to wait and be patient. But i have never been satisfied with that conclusion. I always sensed that when Claire and i are together, there is an elephant in the room. In the last few months, She has become increasingly distant. I thought that demonstrating my submissive side to Her would open Her up a little bit, but it has done the opposite.

So what is happening? I still have many questions, but i had a peek inside Claire's mind like never before. Here is what i could gather. For Claire, there is more at stake than O/our relationship. She is in a place and time where, for the first time in Her life, She feels empowered to make choices for Herself. To understand how vital this is for Her, one has to realize how unhappy her childhood was, raised by a mythomaniac and narcissistic mother. Up to this day, She has lived under the cloud of this monster, with her relentless negativity and manipulations. As a teenager, Claire tried to escape that constant, grinding abuse, only to fall into the hands of abusive partners (one in particular), which ended up reinforcing Her mother's nefarious control. This was terribly unfortunate for Claire, because it broke Her spirit and made Her feel very isolated. The low point in Her life was reached about 10 years ago, at the time that W/we rekindled O/our interest in each other. Claire was trapped in a bad marriage, in a place She did not like, with no future and no support.

Since then, W/we fell in love, She divorced, W/we got married and had O/our children, and things have steadily improved for Claire. Over the years, O/our relationship slowly shifted, to the point where today Her career is privileged and i have become more of a helpmate. One could say that the stars have aligned over Claire's sky, and She feels it is now or never time to try to win over Her demons.

So what are W/we dealing with? For months (long before my submissive awakening), i had been trying to penetrate Claire's mind. I could sense that She was at odds with me. She was distressed and had shut down on me. The idea that She could be having an affair crossed my mind. Still, i know Her well, and i could not believe She would be able to hide that from me. (She is not the best of liars!) Regularly, i would press Her to tell me what was on Her mind, letting Her know that i would support Her no matter what. She would always come up with sibylline answers, such as that it would hurt me if She told me. I did not mind to be hurt (i am a bit of a masochist), as long as it was something that would shake things up, and untangle U/us from the stalemate. It's when i introduced the idea of D/s that something clicked. In one of O/our early conversation, i said that i was aware i could not meet all of Her needs. When She heard that (it was over the phone), Her voice brightened and She said that yes, it was true that She had insatiable needs. When i said that i wanted to be Her servant, She said that She might need more than one servant, and asked me if i could accept that. I hesitated a bit, but agreed that yes, there were ways i could see it working. We talked more in the following days, but She seemed to be very confused about the whole thing. She could not understand me well, and that's when i felt She was becoming more and more reserved, and i thought i needed to be more patient. I left it at that, and W/we stopped talking about this particular subject.

That is, until last week's conversation. Turns out, it's been on Claire's mind for months. Here is my take on it. Claire is in a fight to get to the root of Her insatisfaction in life. It's a personal journey from which i am excluded. She has to do it alone. A stable and secure marriage, along with a growing (though still very shaky) confidence, has made Her reached a point where She is ready to confront Her fears and explore Her desires. A D/s lifestyle would be a wonderful arena for this, but it's too intellectual for Her at the moment. Claire is not a thinker, She is a doer, and Her immediate urges are too primal to be satisfied that way. She senses Her growing power, and She fantasizes about testing it on men. Our marriage is not the right place for that, though the irony of course is that She needs the security it confers to begin Her emancipation. She is aware how unfair it is to me, hence Her dilemma, not to mention Her guilt. But with my talks of D/s, i opened a door, and She has put Her foot in it. I don't think She knows what to expect. She just wants to experiment. She has always been flirtatious, and even got in some problematic situations because of it, but She always stopped before it led to something serious. At 30 something, She wants to cross that line and see what's on the other side. She wants to do it for Herself, without having to account for it to anybody. As She says, perhaps it's just something that She needs to get out of Her system. Or perhaps it's who She is. Neither of U/us knows for sure, but She feels that She must go through that experience and find out.

As far as i am concerned, i cannot say that i am really upset, nor jealous. Not even that surprised (i have not forgotten how W/we started together). I wanted to shake things up, and at least i got a reaction from Her. I came to the conclusion that all i can do is support Her, and give Her the freedom She needs. I want to focus on the big picture, which is Claire's happiness and the long-term prospect of O/our relationship. Practically, W/we decided to let the experience run its course (on Her end only -- She insisted on it) for a period of at least one year. After that, W/we will revisit the question, and see where W/we go from there. Part of me is anxious, because i am thinking that this could be the beginning of the end for U/us. I am also concerned about Her safety and Her emotional well being. My submissive buttons are pushed by the greed and selfishness She displays, which turns me on. The worst outcome would be that W/we find O/ourselves at the end of the year in the exact same situation in which W/we are right now. At the opposite of the spectrum, is the possibility that O/our marriage spins out of control and Claire decides to leave me for someone else. No doubt that would be tough for both of U/us. Knowing Her, She would agonize over such a choice. But that's okay. As they say, "the truth shall set us free". Assuming She is happier that way, i will always have the consolation of having made that possible, and i know W/we would always have a very special relationship. There are plenty of other possibilities within those two extremes, and i just don't want to speculate. Our decision is the right one for U/us, at this juncture in O/our life. We have made a pact and i think that W/we are both comfortable with it. Time will tell how it turns out.