Why do i submit

Lady Clarance's introspection into her husband reasons to submit led me to these thoughts...

My submissive awakening came at a low point in my marriage. My Wife (i will call Her Claire from now on) and i have never stopped loving each other, but the passion was essentially gone. Nothing much was happening between U/us on an emotional basis. W/we had pulled back from each other. It was nobody's fault in particular. By and large, this was the result of a slow process of erosion, with small letdowns and disappointments throughout the years that lead to U/us to retreat in O/our shells. This became sadly apparent when, early this year, Claire was struck by a sudden illness and escaped death by a hair. I was there for Her materially and logistically, but not emotionally. There was an awkward and painful void that W/we both felt, and it disturbed U/us. Months went by after that incident, and then i had that epiphany i talked about earlier. If i were religious (okay, i am), i would think that Her illness could have been an act of God to help open my eyes. (In fact, there is a lot about O/our relationship that i sometimes find was "meant to be", but that's a different subject.)

Submissiveness is not a choice per se. In the presence of Loving Female Authority, my natural inclination is to bow and submit. I literally want to drop down on my knees. That is what i am drawn to do, not necessarily what i did. Coming out and accepting who i was, with all the consequences that it entails, was not an easy task. We submissives can hide our proclivity, and many (most?) in fact do. Some may even be very successful at it. (I was not.) But for me, the important trigger is the presence of LFA. I do not feel submissive at all without it. LFA encompasses all these characteristics of Womanhood that i need in a Domina: the loving and caring, the Female sensuality, and the sense of confidence, authority and control. That package can come in many different personalities, but they all must be present to trigger my desire for submission.

For submissive men like me, LFA becomes almost irresistible once it is identified. When we do manage to resist it, it is at tremendous personal cost. We suddenly feel like we are completely missing on life, and it creates a sense of urgency. We are acutely aware of the vulnerability and the danger to our self-esteem that we face, should we come out, but it becomes a matter of emotional survival, and we really don't have much choice. It takes time to reach that point, and a lot of maturity.

In O/our case, i think that all of that was playing a role from the very beginning of O/our relationship. It just took 10 years to become apparent. With the conscience of everything that is at play, as well as the maturity that almost 40 years confer, comes the possibility to make clear and informed choices. I think that D/s appeals most to emotional people, who have a sense of adventure and can tolerate risks, and who have the intellectual capacity to reflect upon their experience. I find that introspection essential to the enjoyment of the experience. I also like the fact that D/s gives a direction to the relationship, yet do not tell U/us where it is going to lead. It provides a somewhat adventurous and playful context in which W/we can build intimacy without the common obstacles of vanilla relationships (shame, guilt, lack of trust, poor communication, etc.). It allows U/us to go much deeper into the intimate experience, and encounter emotions impossible to fathom in a vanilla relationship. Some of these emotions can be disturbing and unsettling, and this is where a genuine and uncompromising love is essential on the part of the Domina (the submissive's love is a given at that point). It is our lifeline, the only thing that we can hang on to when we are the most vulnerable.